Currently Reading The Complete Idiot's Guide to Supercharged Kama Sutra Illustrated (Complete Idiot's Guide to) By Al Link, Pala Copeland see related

What a cruel world we live in!

So it appears that one of the supplies trains en route to my crib was missing some very important items. Stolen items include:

-2 Boxes of Rogaine for men

-A month's supply of M.R.E.'s

-Looney Tunes Monopoly the board game

-16 tubes of hair gel

-40 boxes of Daffy Duck band aids

-3 pairs of stilettos

-3 Jumbo jars of Vaseline

It's getting harder and harder to convince people that I, as the supreme leader, have eliminated classes in North Korea. As you can clearly see, there are still some individuals out there who think that they are have-nots. I've said it over and over again:

North Korea is paradise!

To my people, I have this to say. Do not listen to foreigners and dissenters who will try and tell you that a free market system is what this country needs. Those who think that are exactly the kind of people who stole my beloved and hand-picked supplies. The nation will one day be whole again. When the South yields to the will of our enlightened state, you too will be able to indulge in the little game I created that involves those exact stolen items. At least the thief had taste. Until then, give me a break. My coming was foretold, so I'm practically a god-king.

To the dissenters; you will be captured and punished accordingly. You better hope I don't find you, whoever you are. You don't know what it's like being the supreme leader. Sometimes you just feel like wearing a pair of high heels while getting naked, covering yourself in Vaseline, and playing a board game based off of your favorite cartoon series with your favorite children. Cease your treasonous behavior and I promise I will lead you and the last grand communist state into a time of heaven on earth.

Currently Listening Blackout By Britney Spears see related

Hey everyone. Ever since that missile crisis, I haven't had much time. I promise that those responsible for the failure will be punished, and by failure, I mean failure to blow Japan into oblivion.

Oops! Did I say that?!

Anyway, I noticed that election time is coming closer in the United States. Normally I could care less about any nation's elections (North Korea is paradise, other nations should follow our example and just not hold elections). But since it's the United States of fucking America, I'm obligated to give a shit. There will come a time when that will change.

There are nations and peoples that I hate more than the United States, but no nation is more offensive to the Korean people. This could not have been made more evident than when Premier Bush referred to us as part of the Axis of evil. Yes, we hate your social system. Yes, we detest your way of life (Although I adore several elements of your popular culture), but do you honestly think we are stupid enough to invoke the wrath of a nation of trigger happy fat asses? We will never do such a thing so long as you keep your flawed capitalist principals away from our people. My concern is Korea and the surrounding Asian nations, a place for easterners; not westerners. So keep eating your big macs and keep your nose out of our business and we shall pose no threat.

Your failure to do so is why Premier Bush is the only cowboy that I hate. But John Wayne was kickass! Bang Bang!

Anyway, I finally received my autographed copy of the newest Britney Spears album, so I'll be in my chambers for the next few hours. Until next time!

-KJI

Currently Listening Love. Angel. Music. Baby. By Gwen Stefani see related

I'd like to take this time to apologize for my lack of entries...

It's just that things have gone so awful lately, like you could never imagine. I can't stand it, things are really becoming F'd up around here. These peace talks, which you may have heard of, concerning my country, have gotten out of hand. You may have seen my attitude toward them in my past few entries, which basically can be summed up to: "You westerners say what you want, but when it comes down to it, I make all I'll the decisions, I'm the F-ing supreme leader." But, things have run horribly amuck.

I'd been reading articles and what not, so many of them, all predicting that the DPRK was starting to crumble and we would eventually combine with the capitalist pigs to the south, putting a burden on they're econmy. Then, in the Nuclear peace talks, we've been starting to give in to the west, saying that we would only use nuclear reactors for peacful means. Then, I recieved another report of how the food shortage is worsening. I started crying, and got very depressed. It seemed as if everything was coming down around me. Everything daddy and I have fought for, the last grand communist state in the world. It got me so sad. I just ran into my sleeping quarters and locked myself up in there for days on end. My staff had been trying to coax me out and whatnot, and eventually i threw a tantrum. I got drunk on coniac, hopped into one of my 4 brand new mitsubishi eclpise, and tearing up Pyongyang. I was all over the place, I swear. Then, it stopped when I drove straight into someone's house. Some news crew tried to get the story on it, but we had them taken care of. I don't want my people knowing that I was in that state.

And so, I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months. my optimism has returned. I played a game of golf with my son, that made me feel better. I so let him win.

Anyway. Kim Jong-Il is back, and he's not taking any crap from you westerners. The peace talks are to resume on this very day, and the DPRK has an agenda. We will not answer to the United States, I swear that to you. When I say we will use our Nuclear program for peace, that also includes self defense, and you ARE NOT taking that right away from us. You can Bitch and complain all you want Bush, but we do not answer to anyone.

Currently Watching Die Another Day (Widescreen Special Edition) By Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Rosamund Pike see related

Today was a slow day in Pyongyang. There just isn't a lot happening. News-Worthy that is.

Notice that I'm watching the James Bond movie "Die Another Day". I find this an insult to my country! Why would a North Korean go through all the trouble to build a sun channeling device when they could just go to me and get a nuke across the border.

Of course that was back in 2002, when I didn't have a nuke ;).

Even still, this movie pisses me off just like "Team America: World Police", but it's a James Bond film and I happen to like them.

See you all when Communism takes root in the rest of the world again.

Currently Watching Looney Tunes - Reality Check see related

This entry took up too much space.